A Slight Delay

It’s that time of year again: the season when you’re just finishing the first 75 pounds of leftover turkey when the time comes to plop another one in the oven and endure another several weeks of leftovers. So after you’ve done turkey salad, turkey tetrazzini, turkey pot pie, turkey fritters, turkey croquettes, turkey thermidor, turkey soup, and turkey pudding, what do you do with those last, stubborn bits?

I decided to come up with something that’d give you the turkey-and-stuffing experience without having to go to all the trouble of making stuffing. I’m not generally big on brand names, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, but I’ll make an exception here for Thomas Corn Toasting Bread, and for good reason. Whatever you don’t use for the recipe can be toasted and slathered with butter (or used to sop up the leftover gravy), and enjoyed thoroughly. It’s some good stuff. Mind you, it should not be confused with Thomas Corn Toast-R-Cakes, which taste like… well, like you just spilled cream corn on your countertop, wiped it up with a kitchen sponge, and then stuck the whole mess into the toaster instead of the trash.

Having clarified that, let’s move on to the recipe, shall we? You’ll need: (more…)

It’s eighty-odd degrees out, sticky and humid. Don’t ask me why, in God’s name, I’m thinking of baking. I haven’t baked in a while, come to think of it, aside from a batch of brownies over the winter, and I don’t even remember the last thing I baked before that. Probably more brownies (you can’t go wrong baking brownies). That’s not counting the couple of tubes of Nestle Toll House cookies I picked up at the Stop and Shop last time I had a lot of company ’cause there’s no such thing as too much dessert when you have company; I don’t count them because I didn’t make them from scratch.

Anyway. I started poking through my cookbook, and I came across this long-forgotten favorite that I probably haven’t made in about twenty years (oy!). What I like about it is that it’s an adult dessert. That’s not to say it’s shaped like anything particularly naughty, just that your teeth won’t fall out after two bites, plus it’s quick, simple, and tasty. As soon as this infernal heat breaks, I think I’ll dust off the mixing bowls…

I don’t remember where the recipe came from. Hope you like it, either way. What you’ll need:

1 can unsweetened apples
2 eggs
2 cups of flour
1 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons of baking soda
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 cup of chopped nuts
2 cups of sugar
1/2 cup of oil
1 tsp. vanilla

Combine the apples and eggs in a large bowl. In a smaller bowl, combine flour, salt, baking soda, cinnamon and nuts. Add to apple mixture and stir. Add remaining ingredients. Bake in 9×13 pan at 350 for 30 minutes, testing with a toothpick when done.

We’ve all bombed in the kitchen. If you haven’t yet, don’t worry, you will. Some of my favorite food writing of late has been other people’s kitchen mishaps; it’s not schadenfreude, so much as just being happy that I’m not the only one who’s screwed up a dish so badly it could only be identified by its dental records.

So let’s peek in on some foodie misfortunes, shall we? (more…)

This post has nothing to do with Anthony Quinn’s costume changes. Come to think of it, as food goes, it’s probably about as Greek as Anthony Quinn. But I digress.

If you like bleu cheese dressing, you might like this. If you don’t like bleu cheese dressing, odds are better than even that you won’t like it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. What you’ll need, in no particular order:

1. Feta cheese, crumbled (if it already comes that way, so much the better).
2. Yogurt. Not the low-fat stuff, unless your doctor has told you otherwise. Greek yogurt works best; you can find it in most supermarkets, and the Fage brand is very good.
3. Mayonnaise. Use Hellmann’s. Please. I don’t generally put much stock in one brand over another, but Hellmann’s makes just about the only real mayonnaise out there. If it says “and Salad Dressing,” or calls itself “Mayo,” it doesn’t belong in your fridge unless you’re making cole slaw, or unless you have a tin palate. (more…)

So much for catchy nomenclature. At least I can claim truth in advertising. “What’s that?” “Oh, it’s a sweet potato thingy.” You may, if you’d prefer, call it a whatzit, doodad, or just refer to it as “Jasper,” for all I care.

But I digress. Now that you’ve got your potato ricer (see previous entry), here’s something you can make with it. It’s a bit faster variation on a recipe my mother makes every Thanksgiving. You can use an electric beater or a potato masher, but the ricer will give better results. What you’ll need:

Two decent-sized sweet potatoes or yams (I’ve used both)
1 small can of crushed pineapple
A bit (say, a quarter- or half-cup) of shredded coconut
Spices and nuts (optional; see below)

First, you’ll have to deal with the coconut. If you want it sweet, you can just dump it in straight from the package, and skip the remainder of this paragraph (you can also toast it if you’d like, and then skip the rest of this paragraph). If you want it moreso for the texture, and want a flavor that says “coconut” and not “would you like some coconut with your sugar,” find a small bowl, put the coconut in there first, and pour enough milk over it to cover it. Then, cover and refrigerate the bowl, draining it when you’re ready to use it.

Next, peel and dice your sweet potatoes. Go for a medium dice, since they’ll cook quicker and more evenly. Next, boil them ’til they’re done. They shouldn’t be mushy, nor should they be too raw. Drain, and set aside.

While the spuds are cooling, drain the crushed pineapple, reserving the juice, and set that aside. Run the sweet potatoes through the ricer in batches, ’til the lot of them have been mashed. Then stir in the pineapple and coconut. You likely won’t need to add any liquid; if you do, you can use either the reserved pineapple juice, or a bit of orange juice.

What you’ve got now is a pretty suitable side dish. You can add nuts if you’d like; pecans or walnuts work well. Cinnamon gives a nice flavor to the proceedings. Or, if you’d like something that’ll give a nice contrast, add a bit of chopped cilantro to taste.

Why I will never write a cookbook, Exhibit A:

Ingredients:
1 package flour tortillas
1 package of hot dogs, preferably uncured since you don’t want nitrates interfering with the lips-and-assholes goodness of your weenies.
1 package of shredded cheese. You could use cheddar, or one of the many “Mexican” blends that no self-respecting Mexican has ever been seen buying.
1 can of refried beans
Chili powder or some other, similar, blend of spices

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