And Now, Your Local Forecast
Watching the news last night, you know what I realized? I’d make a lousy weatherman. For one thing–and God help me, I never thought I’d say this–I’m not funny-looking enough. You don’t believe me? Two words for you: Willard Scott. The other thing is, I have no patience. I feel sorry for the first anchorperson who says, “So, another day of rain, Paul? When are you going to stop this? Give us some sun, already!”
“Well, Tammi, I’m a meteorologist. Therefore, I have no more control over this shit than you do, so stuff it!”
You think forecasting is hard now, though, it must’ve been a nightmare in Biblical times:
“Well, we’re in our 33rd day of rain, and the five-day forecast shows no end in sight. Joshua is in the field right now, talking to a man who’s building a big boat of some sort and filling it with animals. Josh?”
Or picture this one:
“This high pressure front ought to move that plague of locusts out over the Sinai Desert, but if you look behind it, you’ll see a low-pressure trough that’ll bring with it a plague of frogs that’ll probably last a few days.”
“Thanks, Jacob. That does it for the news at 6. Late Edition is next, and our investigative reporters will be going to Sodom and Gomorrah to try and figure out why everybody’s turned to salt. Good night, and good luck.”
Tags: Biblical Plagues, Humor, News, Weather