Was It Something I Read?
An essay worth reading in this week’s New York Times Book Review by Rachel Donadio. In brief, she writes about how people’s literary tastes can be a deal-breaker when it comes to romance. She writes:
We’ve all been there. Or some of us have. Anyone who cares about books has at some point confronted the Pushkin problem: when a missed — or misguided — literary reference makes it chillingly clear that a romance is going nowhere fast.
It reminded me of something I’d read a long time ago in Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity: A Novel
I’ve had moments like this, as have a number of people I know. Maybe it’s a common thing, or maybe it says something about the people I’m friends with. I’ve decided that relationships weren’t going to go any further over things like romance novels; there was also one girl who was a self-professed writer, but who mentioned in the same breath that she didn’t really like to read. That last one really left me scratching my head. I can’t even begin to fathom a life without books (or music), for one thing. For another, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought of being a writer when you don’t like to read. I can understand not reading certain writers at certain times if you’re afraid you’re going to start writing like them, or echoing their themes and plots. But not to read at all?
So yes, it matters. On the other hand, it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. As one of Donadio’s interviewees points out, someone’s tastes differing from yours ends up being just one of a series of red flags. You can pin the breakup on The Da Vinci Code if you want, but the warning signs and reasons for things going south were likely there before then.
And then, of course, there’s growing up. Priorities, especially in relationships, change over time. Someone liking Douglas Adams, or being able to recite Nick Drake from memory, are great conversation starters, sure, but they’re not a be-all and end-all.
Or, as Rob would put it, “It’s not what you like, but what you’re like, that’s important.”
Tags: Books, Literature, Nick Hornby, Rachel Donadio, relationships
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:31 am
Fantastic post. And a great article, too.
I can remember meeting a cute girl and asking her what her favorite movies were. “Armageddon. I cried so hard over that movie. Titanic was great, too.” She suddenly became less cute.
Donadio says it could be gender thing, but I haven’t witnessed that personally. Perhaps guys are less likely to dismiss a girl for her tastes, but more likely to bond with her over common interests. Even macho sports buffs gush when they find a girl they can drink beer with over a football game.
However, I do like how my friend handles the differences. He’s a married film buff, and if his wife wants to see a movie, he’ll make sure he sees it with her (or not at all). Everything else he sees with his buddies. In return, she can do things with her girlfriends that he’s not into, and nobody gets upset. It’s so much better than the stereotypical, “Well, I saw that awful movie you wanted to see, so now we’re going to see a chick flick you’ll hate.”